August 20, 2003
TO: President Bush
From: Dean's Office, Crusader War College
RE: Recent bus bombing in Israel.
THIS is intolerable:
Israel constitutes a valuable ally under attack in a critical theatre of the War against Terrorism. The betrayal of allies is reprehensible and dishonorable to America and Americans, and to abandon an ally of this character will cover us in shame for generations.
Mr. President, the definition of terrorism is simple and unambiguous: Attacks on civilians carried out for political purposes which, if carried out by military personnel, would constitute grave and serious violations of the Geneva Conventions.
Mr. President, as an Evangelical Christian, you are aware that hypocrisy and antisemitism is positively prohibited to us Christians. To make a distinction between islamic terrorists and palestinian terrorists is hypocrisy. To regard dead Israeli civilians as somehow different from dead American civilians, meriting different treatment from their respective governments whose sworn responsiblity is to protect them, is antisemitic. Both attitudes are unworthy of you, requiring repentance and corresponding acts to signify and to correct.
I therefore recommend that you publicly declare that, due to lack of action against palestinian terror organizations on the part of the Palestinian Authority, as specified by the Roadmap and agreed to by both sides, that the Road Map is suspended indefinitely, all the while requiring that the media display, instead of your image, THIS:
I further recommend that you Publicly announce unconditional diplomatic, political, economic, and military support for Israel, Ariel Sharon, his Cabinet, and the Israeli Defense Forces as they respond to this atrocity.
In the event of protests from the United Nations, I recommend that you fax each of the representatives a copy of THIS:
In the event that our allies in Europe criticise your moves, I recommend that you fax each head of state who protests a copy of THIS:
In the event that Secretary of State Colin Powell protests and conveys the displeasure of the State Department in response to your moves, I recommend, so that he and any State Department members with which he holds useless meetings can see what he, and they. are tolerating and tacitly approving, from the moment he gets up in the morning to the time that he goes to bed at night, that he be given a baseball cap from his favorite team, from the brim of which is suspended a double sided copy of THIS:
Sincerely,
Ptah Aegyptus
P.S. PLEASE give me a good reason to feel good voting for you next year. P.
Posted by ptah at August 20, 2003 07:55 PM